Are you reading my mind? Or are you getting lost in it?

Don't presume you know me, cos I sure as hell don't.

Monday, June 26, 2006

Vous ĂȘtes l'amour de ma vie

Saturday, June 17, 2006

Sick

Down with high fever and a bout of flu last week. Just when things were getting busy for me, I had to collapse with illness.

Was already feeling weird on Tuesday but I decided to self medicate. On Wednesday morning I was feeling like I'm back on my feet and ready to go. By afternoon, I felt feverish but I had to persist in with my work. Just some time before dinner time, I felt the world swirl and grow distant. Suddenly I blacked-out in an office, my knees buckled for a split second and I caught myself before I hit my head from the danger of passing out. I tried to stand but lost my balance and had to go back to a 'half-squat' position. I was told to sit down on the floor immediately by the officer. (As irony would have it, he was the unit officer and we were preparing for the unit safety day...)

Scalding tears swelled in my eyes before flowing out on their own accord, creating rivers of salty water that evaporated almost immediately. I felt so ashamed that I had couldn't hold out for another half an hour. (Whoever said 'Mind over body' obviously needs a whopping real good.) Once my body has given in, the mind starts to falter. I just sat there for 5-10 mins and couldn't even string my thoughts out straight. My boys came over and applied some medicated oil on my temples before helping me back to my office. As I laid on my sofa, I took controlled deep breaths and slowly got myself back up on my feet. Going for dinner, I took more medicine and went to sleep immediately.

2224hrs

I woke up feeling pain and sore all over my body. It was like I had transformed in some baker's dough that has been kneaded repeatedly and am sitting in a hot oven. Heat emanated from inside my body like my organs were burning under iron molten. I messaged her and told her of my condition. I was suffering under such intense 'discomfort' (in the lack of a better word) that I became a little delirious. I got help from the duty officer (luckily he was bunking next door) and he arranged for a vehicle to bring me to the hospital.

0100 hrs

Having returned from hospital, my pain has slightly subsided due to my lethargy and exhuastion. I fell asleep waking up the next day for meals and medication (and some TLC over the phone).

On Friday, I got right back to work and kept my body condition in check. Drinking plenty of water as well as adequate rest, I need to get healthy again. I don't want her to worry over me and feel helpless the way she was the night I went to the hospital. (I know how terrible it feels...)

Saturday, June 10, 2006

Death knocks but doesn't enter.

My good friend played a prank on me on the 31st last month. I was driving a rented car along the expressway in Brunei at approximately 100km/h. The Mazda2 was getting very wobbly so I decided to shift gears. And then it happened....

I heard loud pop and felt my steering wheel tremble even more violently then before. Next thing I knew, I caught the smell of something burning and the vehicle tilting slightly to the right. Then adrenaline kicked in and time slowed to a crawl. I was driving on the right side of the road and my vehicle was skidding towards the left...straight at the center divider. I depressed both the clutch and brakes while swerving to the left to avoid hitting the railings. Next thing I knew, the car was almost perpendicular to the road and I was still moving at the correct flow of traffic.... I was drifting in the bloody car!!!

My mind started to scream at my senses, "You're going to be in an uncontrollable spin if you over drift!" I released the clutch and brake, and went to tapping the brake and accelerator alternatively. I managed to counter the drift. I checked the speedometer and saw that I was still fighting for control at 80km/h. Instinct told me to look into the rear view mirror to check for oncoming traffic, I may not hit anything in front but someone might crash into me from the back! To my relief, the closest car was about 500 meters away.

At this point, I no longer have any more thoughts in my head. I relied purely on intuition alone. Tapping the brake repeatively and countering the car's skidding, I knew the car was losing to me. Soon, the vehicle straighten and I saw that I was going at 55km/h. The steering wheel was still shaking like its on steroids, I gripped the wheel tighter and saw my knuckles go white. Putting more pressure on the brake pedal while I directed the wobbling car to the left road shoulder, I waited till the speed was at 30km/h before deciding to engage 1st gear.

Once I stopped, I looked at my side mirror to check for vehicles before opening my door. I decided against it and decided to switch off the engine first. Wise choice... the moment I felt the key with my fingers, a car zoomed right by. The car was in my blind spot! I would have been killed had I not decide to kill the engine!

Playing safe, I looked back before opening the car door to assess the damage. I barely closed the door when the sight of the shredded tyre welcomed my sight. ( Ok, it was exactly shredded but it was really bad) I stooped down to take a closer look and realised the the tyre was very badly worn out. The threads were bare on one side, which indicates incorrect air pressure in the tyre, the reinforcing steel wires in the tyre were exposed as well!

I started feeling the after effects of the adrenaline rush. I walked behind the car and sat on the railings. My first thoughts were on her. I need to hear her voice right then. My hands shook like they belonged to a drug junkie on cold turkey. I barely managed to key the numbers with my trembling fingers. The call didn't go through. I took a couple of deep breaths to calm my nerves. I decided to send a message to her instead. Then I called back to camp and asked for help. At this point, a local boy walked up to me from behind. He was asking me if I needed his help. ( I understood bits and pieces of Malay and strung them together to realise what he was saying) I replied in (very)broken Malay to tell him I had a punctured tyre.

I took out the spare tyre from the trunk and all the tools that's found inside. Apparently other than the car jack, nothing else was of use. We needed a spanner and he told me he'll go borrow it from some of the houses nearby. I waited and calmed myself further while he walked a few hundred meters off to the houses. He came back 10-15 mins later with the X-spanner. I jacked the car up while he loosened the nuts from the tyre. Then he put the new tyre (it was a smaller sized one but I didn't have any other choice) before I jacked down the car. I took the damaged tyre to the trunk and got my fingers stabbed by the steel wires. Blood trickled down my pinky and ring fingers. I took out a bottle of water from the car and washed my hands (they were very dirty from the tyre changing.) My pinky refused to stop bleeding. I remembered that she left me a piece of band-aid in my bag. I took it out from my bag and applied it to my left pinky finger.

I gave the boy 20 bucks as a sign of gratitude and asked him if he needs me to give him a lift. He shook his head and smiled at me. I got back in the car and drove back to camp. I needed to wash my hands with soap and water and I needed to see some familiar faces.

The incident really left a deep impression...I can still recall the details of what happened in those few seconds of struggle like it just happened. I can still see the skid marks on the expressway whenever I pass by in the camp ferry. I'm glad to be alive.... really.