Are you reading my mind? Or are you getting lost in it?

Don't presume you know me, cos I sure as hell don't.

Monday, June 20, 2005

You are your choice of poison

What you drink says a lot about you... (via Insaintly Yours)


If Women drink...

Beer

Personality:
Casual, low maintenance; down to earth.

Approach:
Challenge her to a game of pool.



Cocktails or Blender drinks with umbrella

Personality:
Flaky, annoying, dizzy, and a pain in the ass.

Approach:
Avoid her, unless you want to be her cabin boy.


Mixed drinks - no umbrellas e.g.; Gin and tonic / Scotch and soda

Personality:
Mature, has picky taste; knows what she wants

Approach:
If she wants you, she'll send YOU a drink.



Water

Personality:
Pretentious and is looking for a serious relationship.

Approach:
Don't.


Wine - (bottled, not 4 litre cask)

Personality:
Conservative and classy, sophisticated.

Approach:
Try and weave Paris and clothing into the conversation.



Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, Mudshake etc.

Personality:
Easy; thinks she is trendy and sophisticated actually has no clue.

Approach:
Make her feel smarter than she is... and you're in.



Cape Velvet

Personality:
Annoying voice, bit of a tart.

Approach:
Stand close and mention the alley next to the pub.



Shots and Slammers (Tequila, Vodka, Aftershock etc.)

Personality:
Hangs around with male work pals or looking to get drunk...and naked.

Approach:
Easiest hit in the pub, Nothing to do but wait.......




If Men Drink...

Cider

He's probably under-aged and wants to get laid.



Cheap Domestic Beer

He's poor / student and wants to get laid.



Castle Lager Beer

He likes good beer and wants to get laid.



Imported Beer

He's old; he likes good beer and wants to get laid.



Guinness

The man is a rapist and will get laid one way or another.



Water

He just threw up and is trying to wash the taste out of his mouth so that he can still get laid



Wine

He's hoping that the wine thing will give him a sophisticated image and help him get laid.



Vodka or Brandy

Extremely horny hound, would shag a warm scarf. Desperate to get laid.



Port

Thinks he's sophisticated, secretly likes men and wants to get laid.



Whisky

He doesn't give two shits about anything and will hit anyone who will get in his way of getting laid.



Jack Daniels

Not as masculine as the whisky drinker, knows all about feminine activities (knitting, crochet etc.) to weasel himself into getting laid.



Rum or Tequila

Likes fighting almost as much as getting laid.



Bacardi Breezer, Red Square, Archers Cooler, Smirnoff Ice, etc

He's gay (blatantly) - don't turn your back or pick up any dropped change.

Haha

You look like a stereotypical bimbo outside but its a different story inside. You're a nice, simple, proud and straightforward person who believes what you're doing is right. You don't change people, and you love them for who they are. Your primary goal in life is to be happy, next to being pretty. You have your detractors but you don't let them bring you down. You go out of your way to help others out even before they ask, and for that they love you.

Which Singaporean Blogger Are You?

Sunday, June 19, 2005

An exclusive interview

Ladies and gentlemen, today I am honoured by the presence Death. Yes, it the Grim Reaper himself. In the flesh! Today, he has visited my blog to help clear some misunderstandings and myths we've had. Without further ado, let's put our hands together and give my guest the warmest welcome.
*Imaginary applause and some jeering from the sides*

Me: Hello Death, how are you?

Death: I'm fine, thank you. And oh, call me Grim. No need to be formal.

Me: Alright Grim. So tell us what's your job like?

Grim: Well, there's a misconception I'd like to clear here. See, most people think of me as the one who ends life for all living things. You see, I actually bring an end to other stuffs as well. You know the Berlin Wall? I took it down. Death to West Germany and East Germany. You see what I mean?

Me: So you’re saying that you put an end to everything?

Grim: Yes. Whatever you can think of, life, relationships, situations…. I put an end to it all.

Me: That’s a mighty big job then. So what’s your relationship like with Life?

Grim: Life? She’s a nice girl, very creative I must say. Just a little sloppy though. That’s where I come in. You can say that I’m her housekeeper. Me: I’m sorry but what do you mean? Grim: She creates pretty much every thing you see around you. I decide what to put away. Clear away for space so that she’ll have more room for new creations.

Me: For example?

Grim: Just take a look at the human population. Imagine what it would be like if everyone was immortal. No deaths. Everyone gets to live forever. The Earth would have been overpopulated over a thousand years ago.

Me: I wouldn’t mind being immortal…

Grim: I know you would but look at it from my point of view. If everything could last till eternity, would you still cherish them as much? Would time be precious to you? You’d take Life for granted and I can tell you, she will be very upset.

Me: But wouldn’t that give you lots of hate mail? Because you bring death to the beautiful things people love and cherish.

Grim: Firstly… I don’t really have an address for people to send me hate mail… And precisely because I am able to take away things they cherish and love, it gives them a reason to hold dear to what they have. Moreover, no matter what Life throws at you. You can be sure of one thing. I will be there to put a stop at it. No matter how rich or poor, healthy or sickly, popular or despised, I am waiting for you at the end of the road. I will always be there… waiting.

Me: Well, that’s all the time we have today. Thank you Grim, for gracing your presence in my blog.

Grim: Thank you for having me here.

Me: Well folks, if you have further questions for Grim here. Just put in a comment at this blog entry and I’ll do my best to get an answer from Grim for you. Thanks for reading! Cheerios!

Saturday, June 04, 2005

System down... Install Anti Virus program.

I'm sick... So Al doesn't have to be around for me to be incoherent. A new temp came in today. Nice lady by the name of Cough Syrup. Really sweet. I nicknamed her 'Pinkie' cos underneath her plastic bottle clothing, she was pink all over.*sniggers and giggles* :P Wanted to hire her and sack Al but she told me I would regret the consequences. Oh well, Cest la vie. Let me tell you how good a worker she is...

Before she came into work. The whole place was in chaos. DJ Flem (Phlegm's his real name) was scratching away on Throat like a DJ on his records. Did I mention he was a DJ? I did? Anyway, Throat wasn't happy cos he ain't no vinyl (he literally said that). So Throat complained that usual way he did, he sent an email to the Lungs to up his air conditioning to the max. And cough I did. The wind was so strong it almost blew DJ Flem away. To make matters worse, the brain department was having a raving party. The music was definitely techno... My head was throbbing with the grey matter dancing inside. "Thoom Thoom Thoom" The Visual department was the closest to them. Apparently, right eyeball was more musically inclined. He was dancing along with the music. So while right eyeball was 'Gettin' Jiggy with it', left eyeball was just sitting there doing his job. But since they are supposed to work with each other, the visual department was sending corrupted signals around. The information clashed with the ones the Audio had. So the Audio people, being the good chaps they are, sent an email to the tummy department requesting them to purge the system. The tummy side didn't know how to respond. Since Dj Flem was still scratching Throat. Purging the foreign imports may harm him. So they decided to push everything down to the bowel removal section. Now the Intestines weren't happy with all the 'shit" that they've been getting from the upper floors and decided to riot.

Then pinkie came in with her friends. Paracetamol (or Molly as she like to be called) and Anti-Biotics (Abi's her nick) were great working partners. The moment they came in, they stopped the crazy party, told Flem to quit the DJ-ing buisness or get sued by Throat's lawyers for assault and battery, assured the tummy department and bowel removal unit that there's no urgent need to purge anything. And things finally quiet down. Cept for the fact that the Brain department is still tipsy from all the drinking and partying, everything has been peachy. All thanks to Pinkie!! Sweet lady...really. Yum!