Survival tips for the Male Typical Species

This post is not created to counter Kally's blog. No, in fact, it is written to help the males like those around Kally survive better. In writing this, I have to grab the feminine side of me out to the surface and negotiate with the masculine side. No guys, I'm not gay. Think of it scientifically, all ovas are actually female, we become male only if a 'male' sperm cell joins the ovum. So techincally, we can be like females if we try really hard ( for some it comes naturally...)
Note: I have to suppress the musculine side a bit or this will be suicide tips instead of survival tips.)

Here we go!


1) Listen- Yes, its very important to do that. No...its not. There are numerous reasons why listening is important. No...there isn't. What do you mean its not important? If you think that way then why don't you have flowers growing at the sides of your head instead of those ugly pieces of flesh you call ears? (This kind of arguments will be quite common since the two sides of me don't get along too good...) For one, listening can help you receive lots of information you may need. Its also what the ladies would appreciate when they're talking to you. A wall would be a better dialogue companion if it wasn't so. Though there are times when girls start to ramble about useless things, that's when you pretend to listen. No, we do not! Though there will be information that you may not need... like how so and so is a bitch and what she did... So basically, you need a good filter in your brain to decipher and segregate the difference between good crap information and useless crap.

2) Remember and forget - The important dates like Birthdays and Anniversaries. The more minor ones you can choose to forget like her sister's dog's bdae to her great-grand-uncle's second cousin's nephew whom she just addresses as 'Uncle' but dotes on her when she was young 's 10th anniversary of removing his appendix... You should remember the mistakes you've done and not repeat them. And forget all the mistakes she has done in the past. Plus all those arguments when you know you're in the right and she's in the wrong but you let her win. ouch!...ok! you're in the right and she's not totally in the wrong but she managed to convince you to drop the fight. You can stop pinching me now.

3) Be in charge - Women like men to make some decisions for them since men don't use their brains too often. Yeah, and women would let you know when they want to influence the decision especially if its a wrong one. Yeah, what's the point of making decisions in the first place if you want to be fussy later. It is the right of the ladies to be fussy if they want to be!

4) Respect - Show some respect like you would a fellow human being though we're more sophisticated and more evolved. And delusional... If we tell you what we want, just let us have it our way. We won't push the blame to you even if something goes wrong. Yeah yeah, the blame was ours to have in the first place...

5) Don't waste time - If you make an appointment at 12 then keep to it. Time is precious to us and we don't like wasting it waiting. And I presume me waiting outside the fitting room for you to change into the same design but different dozens of colours is not time wasting for me... Of course not. Different colours give different messages and blend differently with other clothings. Yea, basically if you had the means you'll buy all of them but you're trying to see which one looks best on you so you can go buy the 'best' and be satisfied about it but it eventually ends up sitting in the closet after the a few months...

6) Pampering - You'll need to balance on this like flying a kite or fishing. Pull too hard and the line snaps, too soft and the fish or kite escapes your clutches. Just don't treat her like a baby. Dang... I was just wondering if Pampers were the answer to it all...

7) Equality - Women are not equals to men, don't forget that, you prehistoric animals. We are superior in any other way but choose not to reveal it so that you'll remain our slaves faithfully. Once chivalry is dead they call us chauvinist pigs. A little more gentlemanly and we belittle them....

8) Don't try to control - Women have their own lives and pride. There is no need for you to meddle in where you're not wanted. Yeah, let them contradict themselves while they're at it.

9) Confidence - The ladies want their men to have confidence and not come whining to us because that is so unbecoming. Wat happened to the SNAG shit they came up with half a decade ago? That's so 90's, besides, that was a term the gays came up with.

10) Keep your distance - Women don't want you breathing down their necks. We want our personal space and privacy. We can survive on our own and don't need you to hang about unless we want it so. Bah...have it your way. I'm sick of this can we put her back deep within the subconcious now?


Err....there you have it guys. The top ten tips on how to survive!

(No males were harmed in the making of this survival guide. Disclaimer: Should any harm come to you for trying to follow the above, the writer shall not be held responsible as he has self declared to be mentally dysfunctional when Pinkie is in da house.)