How to work with idiots.

Well, it’s been a long time since I've posted something funny. So here's my 2 cents on survival with morons, imbeciles and nincompoops! A must have for working with idiots at your work place.


1. Maintain the illusion.

Most idiots have no idea that they're idiots. (Those who do know may still have a slim chance of hope for further evolving.) In fact, they think of themselves as the crème de la crème, the sharpest tool in the shed. Do not burst their bubble! It is easier to work with them this way. IF however, you do manage to convince them otherwise, you'll have to work your way around their childish and silly ways of proving themselves to be better than you. Believe me, it’s not easy to work with an idiot underfoot.

2. Be an acquaintance

Yes, by all means, acknowledge their existence. I'm not saying that you should actually be a friend to them or keep them as pets. (I seriously warn you against doing the latter unless he/she has been toilet trained rigorously) Idiots are like airborne germs, you ignore them totally and they can blindside you with hay fever or an allergy.

3. Know how to separate your mind and body.

This is essential should an idiot find it a must to have a conversation with you. Entertain the moron for a while with the usual small talk. (WARNING: attention on idiot should not exceed an approximate of more than 0.001 micro second. Idiocy may rub off!) Once small talk has been established, try to break away from the conversation. Should the attempt fail, you should start to filter out block out everything. Let your mind wander off and maybe think of something more important that you should be doing.

4. Lower your expectations

When I say this, I mean really lower your expectations to the point where you don’t expect anything to be accomplished. What you should really expect though, is a whole bunch of errors, nonsensical ramblings and recycled toilet paper trying to pass off as real work. Be prepared to redo his/her work because the only work that’s going to come out as acceptable is if done by you guiding his/her hand for the whole duration.

5. Purchase a voice recorder.

Idiots are born with serious hearing impairment as well as extremely flawed short term memory. Be aware that idiotic minds work like etch-a-sketch boards. The only difference is you have to actually shake the board to erase it. The idiot’s mind has an auto erase function that is activated every time the idiot breathes. Writing down what you’ve said is redundant as well. They tend to lose the paper or eat the note, with the latter being more likely. Plus, idiots don’t really know how to read… So to spare yourself the hassle of repeating your words over and over again, get a voice recorder and replay it when the idiot confronts you.

The above are 5 very basic guidelines to follow. I’d like to write more but I would probably end up writing a book on this subject. So I’d like to give one final piece of advice for working with idiots: Don’t!