Where have all the good men gone?

I was reading Ivry's blog today and she was griping about how its so difficult to find her ideal guy. That got me thinking about relationships. Is it really so hard to find true love?

I don't want to go through all the hassles of explaining how difficult it can be to find your ideal partner. You people know it is. Yet inside all of us, we still yearn to find someone to love and love us in return. Its a vicious cycle I tell you. You find the person you like, he or she likes somebody else. Somebody else likes you but you are simply not interested enough.

I can go on rambling the whole night about how illusional love can be. I've gotten away from that. All I look for is commitment. Unfortunately, you can't judge whether someone has commitment in a relationship until its over. That's why the way I behave in a relationship is so much different from when I was younger. I used to put all my eggs in one basket. Throwing everything I have into the relationship only to get stabbed in my heart with a blunt and dirty dagger. Why blunt and dirty you ask? Its almost impossible to stop bleeding from a wound created by a blunt blade. And with bacteria from the dirt infecting your wound, you can be damn sure that there's going to be a ugly scar. So it hurts like hell when you're heartbroken and you'll remember the pain when you touch the scar.

My friends used to think that I was not really in love with my last girlfriend. I wasn't as sweet as I used to be. In fact I appeared nonchalant in my last relationship. I was deeply misunderstood. I didn't want to put too much into the relationship at the start. Why does everything need to start with a big bang? What happens after that? Should you allow things to get boring? No, I was trying to reverse the process. Start off slow and easy, getting more intense gradually.

Unfortunately, the relationship lasted for barely a year. She told me she'd be happier if the relationship ended. I had to let her go. Though sad but I didn't have the deep stabbing pain in my heart like I used to. Perhaps its easily to let go of her knowing that she'll be happier without me.

(To be continued...)